I hate myself sometimes, for the way I handle relationships - relationships with family members, friends and colleagues.
Senior Junior (SJ) was angry with me for what his old man did yesterday. While bringing him home from a tournament, I had refused to give his friend a lift home. The friend stays at Tampines and was out of the way. SJ claimed that in his phone call to me about fetching his friend, he had told me that his friend stayed in "Tampines". I probably wasn't listening while driving. Anyway, it was drizzling slightly and I was late, rushing home with packed dinner in the car. Quite crudely, I told his friend that he has to go home by himself.
Today, SJ was all quiet and refused to talk to me. I didn't mean to take a peek at his cell phone which he has left it in my car after we came back from a trip to Bugis Junction for some Christmas shopping. In his "sent" folder, I noted a sms to Aaron the friend who started it all that reads: "Sorry about that just now. My Dad is a jerk".
Far from being angry, I actually burst out laughing. So is this what I am to my boy? Because of one incident like this? It wasn't exactly SJ's fault. On hindsight, I think I could have handled this incident differently and gave that boy a lift home. I think it's important to make our kids realise that we do care for their friends and that their friends are important to us.
As a peace-offering, I told SJ I would be buying chilli crab for dinner today. He shrugged nonchalantly but I know the boy loves chilli crab, unlike mummy and junior.
Eating crab with my boy is a great way to bond with him. Meticulously, I'd extract the crab meat out of the shell for him. Despite being 13, that boy can't handle a crab to save his life! I always tease him if he would do likewise for his old man when I'm old and invalid. He showed sign of "forgiving" his dad, and I asked him on a scale of 1 to 10, how much he would rate his old man as a Dad. He gave me a 7-8. Wow! Certainly not bad for a Dad who is a "jerk"!
7 comments:
thats very nice of you to do this. i have a little incident to share today..
on wednesday, i went to my dad's shop at tekka mall, was going to sim lim square and thought it would be nice to drop by, so my boyfriend and i got some old change kee stuff for him.. it turned out that he is sick & therefore i had to eat the food myself... however, when he reached home, he actually said "sorry" to me, because he thought i was kind enough to buy him food (erm, my family is actually not so "mushy" and caring) & for the next few days, i thought he is really in a good mood!
why i want to share this incident is because i feel happy that senior junior is probably hurt that you didnt give his friend a lift, but what u did later on really deserve a hands up!
is your family a close knitted one? mine's alright.. not very close... nowadays there arent any parents that are close to their kids...
- EteL
Thanks for sharing Etel. I suppose we Asians aren't as demonstrative as the westerners when it comes to expressing our love to our loved ones. But if you look at the body language carefully, like how happy your Dad's mood was, you'll be able to tell that he's really proud and happy to have a daughter like you who bought him food. That's his way of telling you how much he appreciates your gesture.
As for parents who aren't close to their kids, it really depends on the style of parenting. But I believe that the majority of parents would want to know and understand their kids well. But sometimes, esp during the teenage years, the parents find it hard to break through the barrier 'cause that's the time when the kids turn rebellious and insist in doing things their ways, like what my son is going through now. Thankfully, more often than not, this is just a passing phase.
Sorry Chris, if you find me always giving the contrarian view. (Someone's got to be the bad guy, hee.)
First, you didn't mention whether you told SJ that you 'snooped' on his SMSes BEFORE he gave you that 7-8 rating. Whether you did it unintentionally or not is beside the point. No teenager, son or otherwise, likes to have his/her privacy invaded like that. In fact, some would be very mad about it. So if your son didn't know about that, take the rating with a pinch of salt ok.
Secondly, you could have explained to him honestly about what actually happened like what you did in the blog that it was a misunderstanding or a miscommunication. I am sure that he'll be able to understand. You'll be teaching him the virtue of forgiveness too by doing that.
Third, I don't understand why Tampines is not 'on the way'. From what I know, it is quite near your residence especially when you drive. My wife and I go there every Saturday for window shopping during the 1-1/2 hours when my junior is attending Chinese tuition at the CC near your place. It's only about 5 minutes drive, Chris.
But like Etel, I must commend your effort in making amends and in communicating with SJ to sort out this minor incident.
You're not a contrarian Victor. You're the DEVIl! The Devil Advocate, that is! Hahaha!
Oh yes, SJ knew his old man read his sms all right. Yet he gave me a high rating. And I seem to recall YOU reading your son's sms, too. No?
It's not a misunderstanding or miscomm, Victor. The stubborn old man could have just given the boy's friend a lift, whether he knew it over the phone or right at the tournment site. Something also made me think I should have handled this better. That the Lord our good God will not care about the kinda car you drive; but he will remember the number of people you give a lift to in times of need. So, today you drive us out for lunch? And EVERYDAY. How's that? ROTFL
I was shown my son's sms by my wife. I had no choice but to read it. Otherwise I would antagonise my wife more than my son. It was the lesser of the two evils, in the opinion of this devil's advocate.:)
The Lord will not care if you have a car or not, not whether you pick up your friends in it. That answers you question about me driving out for lunch today.:)
I just had a wonderful week of bonding with my family esp my son in Ipoh and Cameron Highlands. I was undecided whether or not to blog about it. Reading your article and the comments, I think I will.
BTW Chris, don't take the 'jerk' thing too seriously. Its not as if he said it to you directly. Its just the kind of lingo kids use among themselves, and he was just trying to make up to his friend.
Finally, can someone pls tell me what is ROTFL!!!
Do blog about the adventure you had with you family in Ipon and Cameron Highlands. I love putting down in writting my experiences with my kids, though it may get quite personal at times. Who knows someday, they may get to read it and learn why their old man behaved the way he did. Telling them in person is just different. Somehow, I'm just not as expressive that way. It's the Asian thing, I think.
ROTFL means Roll On The Floor Laughing. It's just an expression when you read something really funny. Just like LOL which I believed you alredy knew. Hee!
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