Well-meaning friends have told me that in-laws get along best if they are not living together. No, not the men and their mothers-in-law. Generally, it's more about women who marry into their husbands' and stay with their mothers-in-law. It's not enough that the wife and the mother have to share the same kitchen. They also share the same man - the husband and the son. And the same kids - the sons and the grandsons. And that poor man, the husband and the son, is often torn between the two women of his life.
A modern, educated working woman living under the same roof with a "wise" and elderly woman who has apparently consumed more salts then the former. Both with different sets of value, and different life perspectives. Any wonder that they clash? And do so they would, for they are like two china bowls, in close proximity to each other. A little bit of rocking, and both bowls develop deep cracks. And it becomes too late to mend....
But look how close they've become when they stay far from each other and the wife visits the mother-in-law every other week. The irony of it all ...
Category: Family
6 comments:
What happened, Chris? I waited patiently for 2 weeks for your new post and when it finally came, it was kinda unexpected. What a letdown.
Is there something brewing between the two women in your life and you are caught between? Or is your last paragraph describing the happy situation you are in?
Very frankly, 家有一老, 如有一宝. I think all daughter-in-laws should thank their lucky stars that their mother-in-laws are still living under one roof with them. Personally speaking, my parents-in-law really helped my wife and I a lot in cooking, cleaning and not to forget babysitting, especially when my two boys were much younger. There are no problems between my parents-in-law and I. But then again, I am no daughter-in-law. As for my wife, we didn't stay with my parents after our marriage so I didn't find out whether the first part of your story is true. Now, we can't stay with my parents even if we want to. (They only visit us once a year in the lunar 7th month.)
If your bowls crack so easily, get melamine instead of porcelain bowls, haha.
tsk tsk uncle vic, i realize u r so old fashioned leh. i, for one, WILL NOT thank the lucky stars or moon or sun if my mum in law were to stay with me!! i'm one gd example whereby i totally cant get along with her (and some of my hubby's siblings as well) coz they think my hubby deserves a better wife. they think i'm not good enough for him. initially i'll try to please her. whenever she brew liang teh for my hubby using charcoal, i'll always stand by 2 hours to use the bamboo fan & look after the fire for her. and i'll always work like a maid for her. but now? who cares??!
its not at all ironic that we get along better if we stay away from each others' path. afterall, singaporean women now are no longer like in the past, demure, submissive, gentle n all. we're fierce n intelligent n independent haha. we don't want ppl to tell us what to do, how we shd live our lives, the things we shd/shd not eat/wear/do. and thats perfectly what a mother in law loves to do.
so i won't feel any sense of remorse for not staying with them. no way.
I can understand your sentiments, Evan. And I am sorry if my comments touched a raw nerve. I was speaking generally and from personal experience. Frankly, it is not easy for people to get along really well - I do not mean only between mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws, but also between parents and children and yes, between husbands and wives too. Perhaps that explains why the divorce rate is so high.
no lah uncle vic, u didnt touch any nerve, let alone a raw one LOL. i'm pretty used to it, and most important thing is, my hubby is understanding and sides me (mostly) hehe. yup, nowadays, ppl hv too much pride in them. which explains like what you said, rocket high divorce rate and in the working world, rocket high turnover rates (ppl job hop too much). young ppl just wanna hv things go their way and cannot take criticisms. but that cant be helped. this is what the world is now.
Victor - what you need are not the in-laws. You need a domestic servant to take care of your household and your kids! And there's nothing wrong with the relationship between my wife and my mum. Ok, I admit in the past, they didn't exactly exemplify the ideal daughter and mum-in-law relationship, but they've since kissed and made up. Ok, well, let's make that kiss a peck... As mentioned, most of us men have no problem living with our in laws. It's usually the women. You won't understand because your wife and you had never been in that situation.
Evan - I can empathise with what you've been thru, cos I've seen what my wife been thru. But then again, do put yourself in our shoes. We poor husbands are always in the middle. And the modern women really don't have to be fierce to bring a point across to their in-laws. I don't think that's the word to use. Perhaps you meant assertive? We've to be respectful to them after all, juz like we men are towards our in-laws. And do you know why the rate of divorce has sky-rocketed? There was a thoery going round that there's no old folks at home to counsel and advise the young couple the art of living together harmoniously. As Victor has so eloquently put it, having an old folk at home is like 家有一老, 如有一宝.
uncle chris, there are many things u won't understand. its simply more than just not seeing eye to eye. so many things hv happened and lets just say they're personal probs. anyway i won't blame u for saying this coz everyone's entitled to their opinions. of coz i RESPECT my mum in law, as in how i respect elderly. but thats about all. assertive or fierce, it means the same thing to me. of coz not say fierce physically, shout or scream that kinda thing lah. but rather, being effective in bringing my msg across.
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