You have been wearing that nightgown for six years. One evening, your spouse suddenly took notice and asked, "Is the nightgown new?"
Would you divorce him because of that? Well, apparently, a Katherine Chua did to a man she had been married to for seven years. The nightgown incident was the final straw that broke the camel's back.
There are always two sides to a coin when it comes to a divorce. But one would think that a common ground for a divorce would be a straying husband or a cheating wife. But over a nightgown? I find this absolutely frivolous. Come one, which man has never been guilty of failing to notice the new hairdo of the wife? The new dress that she wore? Her birthday? Their wedding anniversary?
With reason as flippant as a nightgown, any wonder then that the divorce rate in Singapore has tripled from 2344 in 1985 to 6099 in 2005. The rate was especially high for young couples aged between 20 to 24. I'm no at all surprised, given that people these days are better educated, and have higher expectation of what they want in life. If the love fits wear it baby; and if it doesn't, just pass it on, so the song goes...
In the days of yore, when it was the norm for couples to live with their in-laws, it was not uncommon to see the in-laws trying to make peace for the quibbling husband and wife who, more often than not because of their intervention, kissed and made up. Those were the days when divorce was almost unheard of. As the Chinese saying goes, "家有一老，如有一宝。" Loosely translated, it means that oldies like our grandparents are really treasues to behold, for obviously they have eaten more salt then us younger people, and thus, they are in a good position to dish out good and sensible advice to troubled couples. But our social norm has changed. Many young couples would rather set up their own homes and stay away from their parents or in laws. How are the latter to help?
But it’s good to read that more young people who were divorced are remarrying. I always believe that everyone deserves a second shot at happiness …….
Category: Musings
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14 comments:
nowadays, people get married to fill up the emptiness in their hearts.
the nightgown incident is nothing new. they might have alot of disagreements already, and therefore this sparked off her thought to divorce?
its kinda sad how people now think of love, as something so fragile.
but then again, guys sucks!!!! =x
If we pay attention to reporters' interviews with those old couples who are married - say 50 or more years (golden jubilee) and many of the answers are the same: both parties must have the give-and-take attitude. Of course this answer may be partially right or may not in tune with our modern generation, but coming out from successful married people, such advice needs heeding to.
The men will see things their way and the women see it theirs. They dun see it the same light. Zen is right.. give and take. Try to see the opposite party views and accept it as it is. If we have a negative view of the other party, a beautiful girl will look ugly.
Hey when did you change the name of your Blog?
Hey, I didn't notice that either. Probably when he got sick and tired of the old title 'Chris Musings'. It's the same reason why people divorce - when they get sick and tired of one another.
Elaine - That's what I meant... the incident with the nightgown shouldn't have been the last straw. Probably, things have been building up and it took that incident to explode. So, it's good to express your feelings rather than bottle it at up. Agree? And what you meant "guys suck" ahh? U want your GD Victor to cane you izzit? LOL.
Zen - you speak like a marriage guru leh. Don't get me wrong... I'm not being sarcastic here. But it's true couples should learn to give and take. I read an article about a British oldest married couple. What's the secret to their marriage? According to the husband, the trick lies in two little word - YES DEAR. See, he uses these two words often, usually to give in to the wife when things could have gotten ugly. And guess what? I found myself using these words more often to my wife too, subsconsicously. Hee.
Chuck - As they say, beauty is in th eyes of the beholder... It's all about Positive Thinking, isn't it? Try to look for the beauty (not necessarily physical) in a person, rather than concentrate on his short-comings. Hmmm...
Unkers Vic and Chun See, pse lah, this is called "reinvent", "rejuvenate" and "remake". There's only so much Chris can Muse. So I tot I change my tagline lor. Victor, you can change yours to "Conquering Life's Challenge" since you've proven that an old dog like you can do a good blog. And Chun See, how about "Yesterday Once More?". Hahaha.
Actually I thot of Yesterday Once More before GMY but the name was taken. Anyway, when I run out of things to reminisc about, maybe I will change it to Back to the Future or something.
BTW, 'we have to keep reinventing ourselves' is another one of my most disliked cliches. But I guess being a civil serpent ....
Chris = I am not a marriage guru but a graduate in the marriage school of hard knocks. One important tip, you and your wife should mutually be one-person-censorship board, which means that news or family matters, traveling to both sides of the in-laws must be heavily censored to prevent 'heavy artillery cross-fires' Then only you will have a day of peace.
Chris, when you're a country's "oldest married couple", it doesn't really matter what niceties or vulgarities you utter to each other... simply because they probably couldn't be heard anyway.
Elaine, Chris is right. I disagree with your view - it's the woman who sucks. (Note that this has nothing to do with my favorite topic.)
Zen, I don't quite agree that censorship of information from in-laws is the key to peace and harmony in the family. When your in-laws find out (and you'll be surprised that they do have their many obscure sources), you will be in BIG trouble.
hahaha... i thought GD will think like me :( anyways, life's like that. the women wil always blame the men and vice versa XD
Looks like you have caught my habit of using misleading titles.
Of course most people have their own view of how best to run their own lives, including marriage. In this respect, the Chinese saying: that every family has its own unrecitable sutra really holds water. In my opinion, what all those marriage gurus and laymen (including myself) can only make generalisation.
Elaine, if god-daughters and god-fathers always think alike, there would be peace on earth leow. Hee. Why do men and women always disagree? Well, one is from Mars, the other, Venus mah..
Chun See - there's nothing in my title that's misleading. Some men are blind to the fact that their wives are really sexy and sensual beings....It's juz like how some men failed to notice the wives have changed the colour of their hair.
Zen, now you speak like a pyschologist leh. I'm quite awed by you. 家家有本难念的经. How true!
Chris - Even justice Bao if he could reborn into this modern world would not be able to solve domestic problems, let alone arm-chair pyschologists.
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