Thursday, January 04, 2007

The "Invisible" Dads


I can't help but be amused by an article in the ST today, featuring fathers who brought their kids to schools. Apparently, it was a project by a non-profit group known as Centre for Fathering (sounds like a centre for men to get their wives to "conceive". LOL) trying to get the men more involved in their children's upbringing.

Very commendable, I must say. After all, studies have shown that kids are generally well adjusted in later life, if the fathers play an active role in their upbringing.

But alas, that article was more than a decade late. Hello? I’ve been there, done that. And I know a dozen other men who do.

Senior Junior's now 15. When he started P1 many moons ago, I brought him to school - accompanied by the Slim Lady. Okay, fine, this doesn't really count. But when it was Junior's turn to enter P1 n 2005, Daddy was the one who took two days leave to initiate him to the joy (and pain) of schooling. Mummy dearest was juz too busy with her work.

Not only that, guess who bought his school books, uniforms and shoes? It was Daddy. Who met the teachers during Parent-Teacher meeting? It was Daddy. Who whips out a good meal for the family? Daddy.

Of course, I dun mean to paint my wife in a bad light. She's a loving wife and mum and all, but hey, I suppose both mums and dads have their roles to play in a family. And sometimes, you just have a role-reversal situation, when Dad happens to be a better cook then the Mum (Juz ask my kid).

Truth is, the picture of a New Age Dad, changing diapers for the babies and breast bottle-feeding the babies no longer raises eyebrows. Perhaps it was so during the time of our parents, when husbands were expected to bring home the bacon and rule the house with an iron fist, while the wives tended to the kids and household chores acting all domesticated and docile. The new breed of males (SNAGs sound so passe) are here to stay.

But with duo-income families the norm these days, how could we husbands be so insensitive as to leave everything, from the kids upbringing and the household chores to the women of our life? Uh-uh.... not me. But still, no matter what I do in the house, it ain't enough for the Slim Lady.

Yes, give the Dads some credit. It's long overdue....

Category: Musings

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

Chris - You are indeed a good father. If there is a contest for a model father, you are qualified to take part, perhaps winning a position within one to ten. My view of the present globalised world is that many things will change from now to the future, and one of them is the inter-changibility of roles between the man and the woman. If people persist in their old ways of thinking, it would be difficult for them to survive in this rapid changing world.

eastcoastlife said...

Chris, 老王卖瓜, 自卖自夸!哈哈。。。

I see that you are a good father & husband, just like mine. The New Millineum guys!

I guess with education and the equal opportunity of jobs, women are discovering a new meaning of life!

No longer do we have to wait for our hubby or bf to buy us gifts, we have earning power and a strong spending power too. We want to be treated as an equal, so the guys have to chip in too when it comes to the family.

My mother and I are two different versions of a woman. My Dad is constantly shaking his head when he sees the way I treat hubby. haha....

Oh and nothing hubby does is good enough for me too! And I still think he needs a concubine.

Chris Sim said...

No lah Zen. When my kids arrive, there was no instruction manual one. And those books on childcare and how best to bring up your kids are mostly theories from others who thought they are the world's greatest parents. Most of what I learned about parenthoods is thru trial and error lah.. Cannot be top 10, dun think so.. hahaha..

How do u really feel, Zen, seeing that most wives now are more assertive, considering that you're from those era where wives were meant to be submissive and "obedient"?

Chris Sim said...

Jayne, 我姓沈,不是王!

Yalor... women now are better educated. They are also more opinionated and outspoken. Also less obedient! Ask them to do certain things also cannot! They can be such prudes! No wonder ask them husbands go get a concubine or another wife lah...

Victor said...

Eastcoastlife, I shook my head too when I heard the bizarre experiment that you put your son through. (Still can't get over that, haha.)

People born in the Year Of The Dragon are like that one what. Like to claim credit but unwilling to take any blame. (Apologies to Chun See.)

Anonymous said...

Chris - It does not matter whether, now or before, the character and nature of a person, whether man or woman, cannot be changed that easily. In other words, for example, a bad-tempered person is a bad-tempered person, no more or less, but play-acting is always there. Even if I am a bad-tempered person, can I show my temper in front of my big boss ? I may even pretend that I am a mild person, that is the reality of life. I used to tell my office girls: "If your husband is more capable then many of your colleagues, I am sure you will talk louder than them, my husband this, my husband that". That is my view, many may disagree with me.

Chris Sim said...

Watch wat you say Monkey... there are enough dragons here to blow fire into your red butt. ROTFL...

But about the "radical" way in watch ECL tried to "initiate", sort of, her boy to the seedier side of life .... hmmmm.. wondering if she's unintentionally left an impressable "scar" on the kid's future sexual life hor? That poor boy could have being put off by sex altogether leh.... Now look what you've done, Jayne!!!

Anonymous said...

I also brot my son to sch on day1 10 yrs ago. But I must confess my motives were selfish. I wanted to take a look at my old school ACS in Barker Rd before the tore it down. Too bad no blogs then. But my son still luckier than his friend. His Phillipina maid brot him.

As for wat the Monkey said, doesn't matter to me becos I don't believe in those sort of stuff.

Anonymous said...

Farmers (of the world) are usually the greatest producers of babies. Do they need sex manuals or sex education to guide them ?

eastcoastlife said...

Hey! Boys are visiting hookers in their uniforms! I've seen it and my son tells me his classmates do that and invited him along on his birthday!

Hell, no dirty woman's gonna touch my little boy!

My son's sex life is not scarred by that episode, it taught him a lesson he will nvr foget. In fact he had lots of fun watching blue shows in Japan. On TV orh! Now, that's what I call a normal life!

To me, nothing under the sun is forbidden to be said or seen! 太阳低下无新鲜事, 没什么是不能看, 不能说的!

I think my son has more fun than your boys!

Anonymous said...

Being a buddhist myself, one day I over heard a member asked my senior what is oerrect to do, and what is not correct to do...and so on. My senior replied: "Well, in Buddhism, it does not compel a person to do this or cannot do that. The only thing is that you have to bear the consequence of your action". Basically, it means that the action when a person takes has a bearing to the law of cause and effect.

Chris Sim said...

Jayne - u win already lor...

Zen - As usual, I appreciate your philosophical outlook in life.... Ultimately, we reap what we sowed. Hmmm...

Anonymous said...

Chris - You hit the nail on its head. As far as I know, many religions recognise this core principle, but unfortunately many lay-people do not care two hoots about such teaching, hence creating many problems to society.

Victor said...

Hey Chris, what happened to yesterday's post where you wrote a little poem on the child whom the parents deliberately wanted to keep small? I wanted to comment but it looks like you have removed it. (I had wanted to ask if that was your parents wish for you too. :p)

Chris Sim said...

Where got? You blog obsessed izzit? Or is your eye-sight failing due to "old age". Hehehehe...

Anonymous said...

Take good care of the physical components namely the eyes, ears, nose, and mouth (tongue & throat), failing which it will make a younger person older than the old.

Victor said...

Zen, you left out two very important organs which maketh one a man.

Chris, don't bluff okay? I was 100% sure that your post was about 'Pillow Angel' because at first I didn't know what it was about so I couldn't comment then. I went to do some research some more.

Your mind got problem is it? Now that is even worse than problems with the other organs, including the ones that maketh one a man. Muahahaha.

Anonymous said...

Chris- You want nice hair and not going bald. Sure-fire method, follow the eununch, and remove one manly organ. I am sure you won't do it, even if offered all the riches of the world.

Chris Sim said...

What? You kidding me, Zen. How to "enjoy" after that? Dun wan.

Victor, you got two meh? Freaky sia... LOL.

Victor said...

In fact three
If you count two of the same separately
What? You got only one out of three?
No wonder you failed miserably

Chris Sim said...

If you count them COLLECTIVELY, then I only got ONE. On this score, you're right.

But some men got more than one, and some claim they are as large as coconuts. But quite cowardly one. Very scared of cockroaches.... Man or mouse? You decide.

Anonymous said...

As a buddhist, I believe in the oneness of things that can get together collectively.

oceanskies79 said...

Hi Chris, I stumbled upon your blog while I was at Jayne's blog. Yes, here's awarding you a Model Father award. Cheers.

Your wife and your children are lucky to have you around. :)

For me, most of the time, it was my mother who took to buy school books for me when I was in Primary School. But on the positive note, my father had spent quite a bit of his Sundays (when I was much younger) bringing me to places such as the zoo, the museums (upon my requests). Maybe that is why I have developed a love for visiting places.

Chris Sim said...

Thanks for dropping by ocenaskies79. And thanks for the award ;)
Truth is, most of us parents are still learning how best to bring up our kids. There was no instruction manual whe the storks arrived, you know. Fathers usually play the supportive role. But time has changed, Ocean (if I may call you that). These days, the role of mum and dad has blurred, somewhat, all thanks to the high cost of living here in Singapore. Many of the women folks work too. So, it's not unexpected of the men to help with the dreadful household chores and looking after the kids. You're lucky to have a dad who brings you places. Cheers!

Anonymous said...

Men have to watch out. Ladies are closing in on all departments and eventually men-women relationship should be on an equal partnership. Smart ladies would still let their males be the 'nominal head'(with them pulling strings from behind) of the family, because there should be only one Red Indian Chief', not forgetting that too many cooks spoil the soup.