"Neigbhours are friends nearby".
Do you greet and smile at your neighbors when you run into them at your doorsteps, along the corridor, in the lift or in the neighborhood? Honestly, how many of us really know our neighbors?
I've always thought we Singaporeans are a suspicious lot. We keep our distance when approached by strangers in the street. We peek when we hear the doorbell, scrutinizing the person behind the door and trying to determine if that person is a salesman attempting to sell us the vacumm cleaner we never need. If he's not a salesman, we wonder if it's someone asking for a donation, or perhaps a civil servant, a HDB officer acting on a neighbor's complaint about a leaking toilet or dripping laundry.
That's why I was surprised when my sister-in-law told me that she usually gives her house-keys to her neighbors for safe-keeping whenever her family is away on holiday on stretch for a couple of days. She assured me that her neighbors, a couple looks to be in their mid-50s with three grown-up children are friendly and extremely nice.
I'm sure they are. But I wonder if what my sister-in-law does is the norm. My personal experiences with my neighbors, current and old, tell me that most Singaporeans make good and friendly neighbors. I, too, had the pleasure to stay next to a nice couple when I first shifted to Simei. They have two teenage sons who inherited their parents' friendly genes. The only unfriendly member in their family is their dog (a toy dog of which the breed I'm not too sure). The dog never failed to bark at my family and me whenever we got past their corridor unit to reach our corner one.
The man of the house assured us that his dog's bark was louder than its bite, and invited us into his house one day. Indeed, the dog stopped barking as soon as we were in the house, and started going around us, sniffing and licking our toes. "Ah, that’s my dog’s way of trying to get to know you guys better," the man had joked. Yes, what a nice family, but I've never entrusted my house keys to them. There was no chance anyway, for not long after we moved in, my neighbors shifted out. Despite barely knowing them, they gave us their new address and contact number and told us to visit them when we are free. Didn't I tell you most Singaporean make good neighbors?
Noted I said MOST Singaporeans. Of course, unfortunately there are some neighbors who would rather keep to themselves than to engage in mindless banters with you. My former neighbors unit was bought by a young couple with three very young kids. We nod and smile whenever we run into each other in the neighborhood; but conversation was scarce. The first time the man talked to me was when he asked how much I paid for my car. Then his wife gave birth to a boy. We were in a lift, and it didn’t occur to me to offer him my congratulations. On hindsight, I think that would have been a good icebreaker. But I didn't. Don't ask me why.
Even today, sometimes when I ran into my neighbors, they would pretend they didn't see me and look elsewhere. Other times, they would smile and acknowledge me, and then look away to avoid further eye contact. Perhaps some people simply have no time for superficial and mindless pleasantries. I can't blame them, really. I think it's not so much they are unfriendly, as they are perhaps "shy". Or sometimes, after a hard day's work, people just don't have the mood for mindless conversation. I'd admit I'm guilty of this sometimes, and perhaps I'm also perceived as being unfriendly by my neighbors.
But truly, there are some neighbors who are downright "stuck-up" and aloof. Most people, and not just neighbors, would return your smile if you volunteer one. But there are people in my block who give me a look as if to say, "What you smiling at? Do I know you?", or one that looks as if you "owe them 5 cents". There's a man in my block who looks at me as if spoiling for a fight. Well, I guess it takes all kinds. Indeed, neighbors are friends nearby. But it takes two hands to clap, I'm afraid.
Category: Musings
7 comments:
A very well-written and thought-provoking post, Chris. But I don't understand why you are complaining that most of your neighbours seldom return your smile or greeting when there are people in the vicinity of Joo Chiat who would readily dance for their neighbours, greet them with 'terms of endearment' and not only look them in their eye but also with their videocam lens as well! Maybe you should seriously consider moving into a landed property, like Chun See. ROTFL.
My neighbours quite good. Not only never complain about my children's noisy pets, even help to look after them when we go for holidays. We pass our gate keys to their maid so that she can come into the compound to pick up our mail.
My other neighbour quite shy but very generous. His wife is a very good cook. Every festive season, we get lots of makan. During mooncake festival we always get a box of Crown Prince Hotel top brand mooncakes.
Every time we give them something, they will reciprocte with something of much higher value until we get scared. So we turn to things that require time to do but don't cost much; e.g. my wife knows how to arrange flowers.
Victor, you're referring to the Everitt Road wayang ah? Please lah. U think I so rich ah? Even if I am, u think I like them have nothing better to do then to engage in childish quarrels and get famous from here to JB, issit?
Chun See, we had a Malay family as neighbours when we were staying in Ubi. Very friendly and generous too. Each time Hari Raya, they would knock on our door and gave us makanan like redang, chicken wings and other Malay kueh and specialties. We loved the food, except my Mum who never likes Indian or Malay food. Our neigbhour always told us NEVER to wash the plates for obvious reason. Still, my mum was forced to give something in return. Sometimes angpow, other times eggs. The Malays make friendly neighours.
So that is the cause of your health problems - the makanan like rendang, chicken wings, etc which your mum didn't like and they ended up in your tummy. It was good intention which actually did more harm. Come to think of it, that Mr Chan of Everitt Rd could have slowly killed all his neighbours that way too, i.e. by cooking all the cholesterol laden food and then offering them to his neighbours for free.
Provided his obscene gestures doesn't cause them to lose their appetite.
I think many people are waiting for the other to take the first step; they are afraid of being shown the cold shoulder; just like they are reluctant to intervene when they witness anti-social acts.
Perhaps when we meet our neighbours we can speak first not to worry about the response and I believe most people are friendly.
frankly, i'm guilty of not knowing my neighbors at all, not to mention, know them well. if u realize, the ppl who stay in new flats (like me) normally keep their wooden doors shut, unlike those who stay in older estates. cant blame us actually. new flats normally give ppl an impression that they're deserted, esp. if u r the 1st few households to move in, you'll realize the whole block + surrounding is like a ghost town. who would wanna open their wooden doors and let strangers peek in? moreover, each floor has only a few units, unlike the older flats which has a whole stretch of units facing out to the corridor, the chance of meeting neighbors face-to-face is actually quite slim. in fact i'm glad i don't see my neighbors and dont know them, i don't want ppl to come borrowing salt or sugar from me, that kinda thing.
that reminds me of an incident where my mum-in-law just came up to our home without first informing. it was a weekday afternoon and naturally, no one was at home. she brought stuffs like soup, crate of eggs, oranges for us and since we were not at home, she left the stuffs with a neighbor at the 5th storey (we're staying at 12th). it was really embarrassing when the maid came knocking at our door at night saying "your mum came & left the things with us" LOL. the old folks tend to treat the place like kampong whereby the world is without strangers (quoting the giordano slogan).
but i think the young ppl hv no complaints. its like we think, who need neighbors now that we hv CISCO alarm system? its something like 'ren bu fan wo, wo bu fan ren', but the 'fan' is not offend in this case, but 'bother'.
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