I discovered, to my dismay, that my 8-year-old Junior has the making of a con-artist. He really takes me for fool. (Ya, go on Victor, go take a swipe at my nick foollie...).
Junior called me today while I was in my office. The conversation went something like this.
Junior: Hello, Papa. Tomorrow "Show & Tell leh".
Me : What show and tell? (imagination running wild and horrible images of a pervert teacher lurking in his school begin flashing in my mind...)
Junior: Teacher said one. "Show & Tell".
Me : What?
Junior: "Show & Tell". Must bring a toy and talk about your toy.
Me : Oh (feeling relieved)
Junior: But teacher said cannot bring old toy. Must bring new one."
Me : Oh? Meaning papa or mummy must bring you go buy new toy this evening, is it?"
Junior: Ya.
Me : Are you sure? How would the teacher know if your toy is old? Unless you tell her?"
Junior: Dunno lah, but she said must bring new one (voice getting soft).
Me : You lying right? Huh?
Junior: No lah (voice barely rose above a whisper now).
Me : Still want to lie?!!
Junior: Ok bye bye (almost inaudible) -click-
Hng! 敢玩你老豆！Lucky for me... he smart; but I NOT STUPID, ok? The Slim Lady always says: The kids are smart, but we parents MUST be smarter than they are.
This is the 2nd time in as many weeks Junior has told a lie. While taking him home from school one day, he told me his teacher has asked the kids to buy presents for the mummies and daddies for Christmas, and that the presents could only be bought from the school bookshop. I saw through his lie immediately. No teacher worth his salt would ask the kids to do that, knowing full well that the kids are not financially independent to have acquired the purchasing power of their own.
See, Junior doesn't even know how to tell a good lie. So, I take that back - Junior DO NOT have the making of a con-artist; but I reckon with constant practice, the way he's doing now, he soon will. And that is want I find most troubling.
Regrettably, I do take responsibility for the behavior of Junior. Sometimes, much as I hate to admit it, we parent's just aren't the best of role models to our kids, for the fact that we lie openly in front of them. For instance, I would allow the boys an hour or two playing games with the SONY PS2, sometimes over-ridding the mummy's order, and when mummy queried if they have played the PS2 when she returned from work, they lied and say no. So, perhaps they thought it's ok to lie because I "conspired" with them.
But when are kids ever gonna learn the old parental saying: Do as I say; not as I do??
3 comments:
Yes, it can't be denied that we must consciously try to be good role models for our kids, whether we like to do it or not. They have a very keen sense of observation and a propensity to emulate what we say and do. You cited a very good example this afternoon - your 7-year old son can use the phrase 七早八早 (early in the morning) in Hokkien so aptly after hearing it uttered only a few times by your mum.
Kids learn extremely fast about both good and bad things and they do not necessarily know the difference between the two. One thing for sure - at the rate they are learning, they outpace us and will definitely outsmart us in due course.
Soon they will point out to you the glaring contradiction in your motto 'Do as I say, not do as I do.'
Kids really do learn a lot from us adults. But as a Dad, I'm nothing short of exemplary! I do the household chores, like you do, but I don't see Senior Junior emulating me in this aspect, do I??
Jokes aside, my take is that a little white lies won't hurt. Take for instance the occasion when the Slim Lady asked Senior Junior to rate, from a scale of 1 - 10, the spaghetti she's cooked for dinner. Senior Junior gave her 8 marks; but privately told me the marks were much lower. He lied 'cause he didn't want to hurt the mum's feelings. I think the ability to be sensitive to other's feelings, especially coming from a child, is quite commendable. Yes, he lied, but was I proud of him!
But the "Show & Tell" episode is a different school of fish altogether. That lie was told for some personal gain - in this case, a new toy for Junior.
Similarly, on hindsight, it was wrong of me not to show my disapproval when the kids knowingly lie to their mum about not having played the PS2. But I just want the kids to have some fun, and I got to play the PS2, too :P
So you going to EXPO for the SEXPO? Why so troublesome? Woodland also have you know? No need admission fee one. Wahahahaha....
There could be a reason for your boy's behaviour. Ask yourself - when was the last time you bought a toy for your boy? Have you rewarded him yet in any way for the school results which he obtained this year? However mediocre, it may be his best effort and he could be pining for some encouragement and recognition from you. (Didn't we feel the same too at our annual staff appraisal interviews?) It could be just his 'diplomatic and sensitive ways' at work again that he didn't ask you directly for a new toy. For that, you should still be proud of him.
I don't see any big wrong in playing PS2 games that warranted a lie, albeit a white one. On the other hand, leading your kids to believe that telling a small lie for a minor infringement is alright is, in my opinion, not exactly a very wise thing to do.
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