Each morning, at the crack of dawn, they would gather at the basketball court down my block. Taking their positions, the "uncles and aunties" would go through their slow and fluid motions, their arms and legs moving in unison to the oriental music coming from a portable CD-player by the corner of the court. A piece of modern technology in the heart of a "centuries-old" art known as Qigong. I'm sure there're benefits in Qigong. But was I surprised to read that there are more to Qigong then meets the eye. Maybe the uncles and aunties know something that we don't?
A colleague in the office recently sent me an article on "The Secret of Qiqong". That article, if it were to be believed, is quite telling. Written by a non-Chinese 师父, who professed to be a medical specialist in holistic medicine and has been teaching Qigong for more then 10 years, the article says that one of the best secrets of Qigong is that it can improve our sexual health. Laugh if you want, it goes on to recommend some exercises with names sure to raise an eyebrow or two:
1. Sexual/pelvic rock
2. Sexual squat
Amused? Wait, it gets better....
3. Dragon Breathing Fire. This one must surely take the cake. The instructions say, and I quote: "Do chest-breathing and fill your chest fully. Finally, the male dragon thrusts his pelvis forwards as he forcefully breaths out the "fire" through his mouth (with a "huh!") and pulls his arms back down in a forceful motions. He feels sexually powerful, macho and dominant. Repeat this six to 50 times."
There are more....
4. Penile and vaginal weight exercise. For the men, weights are attached to jade rings (do they sell them in Chinatown? hee), which are worn on the penis to ascertain the strength of the erections. For the women, heavy metal balls are used to gauge the strength of the vaginal muscles. These are inserted into the vagina and the women had to prevent the weights from falling out by squeezing their vaginal muscles tight.
Ok, I shall spare you the agony (and embarrassment) of having to read the other sets of exercises, the names of which get more preposterous and ludicrous then the predecessors.
I'm sure proponents of Qigong swear by their practices. But admittedly, I have a little problem taking that article at face-value... Besides, my sexual health is fine and dandy, thank you very much.
5 comments:
Qigong, like other forms of Chinese martial arts such as Waidangong, is one of the few exercises which the elderly (excludes people below age 55) can safely take up. Some other suitable exercises are golf, yoga, swimming, dancing (ballroom kind and not breakdancing), walking and cycling. It is definitely safer than jogging. At least, I haven't heard of someone dying while engaging in Qigong. But if you're interested in joining the uncles and aunties, you don't have to wait till you're 55, Chris. There are people even younger than you who participate in Qigong. The first obstacle you have to overcome is waking up at the crack of dawn which shouldn't be any problem for you since you normally reach office as early as 7.30 am.
Forgot to comment on your scroller 'my wife took everything but the blame'. It is a nice saying and a commendable technological feat on your part. The retort to that saying (from the wife, not necessarily yours) could be something equally funny which I saw in a shop window: 'It all began when you sink in his arms but ended with your arms in his sink.'
Wah if all the Ah Lau's visit your site and take up qigong, the viagra people will go out of biz man.
Nor this one that I spotted recently, applicable to the gal and the guy:
"Remember, a person in love sometimes mistakes a pimple for a dimple".
I think that happened to me! Hee!
My rejoinder to that would be: 'And when they fall out of love, even a dimple would be seen as a pimple.'
Post a Comment