The Art of Becoming More Assertive

I attended an awareness workshop on "The Art of Becoming More Assertive" the past two days by a most entertaining trainer.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly - well, haven't we met them all in a jungle we called Office? The Good - they are the people who are assertive, who are able to express their thoughts and feelings in a direct, honest and appropriate fashion without denying the rights of others. Blessed are those whose bosses fall in this category. Such bosses get their work done in a win-win situation that benefits both themselves and their staff.

The Bad - these are the aggressive people. They are rude, insensitive and demanding, They violate the rights of others and demean fellow workers.

The Ugly - these are people on the other extreme who are unable to stand up on their rights, either by failing to express feelings or preferences, and allowing others to step all over them, treating them like a doormat. The are the non-aggressor, the passive people, the pushovers.

The course was useful to me. It made me realise how important it is to be assertive and learn to say NO, in a way that's not hurtful to people. This is not to say I'm a passive person. Colleagues who know me know I speak my mind and could use some help in being more diplomatic.

I enjoyed the course thoroughly. The trainer, a jolly fella called Cidi Wee, was really entertaining and articulate, leaving us half a time in stitches with his many life's experiences delivered with great theatrical effect. He cried, he laughed, he pouted, he sneered ... he's simply hilarious. He would make a fantastic teacher, teaching humanity subjects like Literature. He's really dramatic!

That aside, I love the many snippets of lessons on child-raising that he dispensed. On the difference in parental behaviour exhibited between an Asian and a Westerner parent, he quoted an example of a child breaking a glass accidentally. The Western mother would go, "Careful sweetie. Did you hurt yourself?” The Asian mother would SCREAM, "Aiyoh! Why so careless! That cup very expensive one you know! You want to get caning is it?".

Over time and repeated often, the Western kid will associate having broken a glass as hurting himself. He would perceive the love of his mother and learn that each time he broke something, he would get hurt and make his mother worry.

The Asian child, on the other hand, will associate having broken a glass with punishment. So, he begins to perceive that his mother does not love him but love the broken objects because each time he breaks something, he got caned. Ok, so this has nothing to do with being assertive. But such anecdote is so true, isn't it?

Category: Personal