After all these years, men are still from Mars, and women are still from Venus

I couldn't agree more with Evan, a blogofriend of mine when she expressed surprise that my Junior has never been out in the rain. Evan wrote that "Singaporeans are so pampered". It's true - our kids today live very sheltered lives.

Alas, gone are our "kampung days", where bare-chested and bare-footed kids could be seen "catching spiders" in the deep forest; or having a splashing good time in the river just by their attap houses. Back then, kids needed very little supervision. Dads were usually the breadwinners; and the housewife mums try to make life a little more bearable by taking side-jobs such as dress-making or clothes-washing. Thankfully, many of those kids turned out none the worse.

Fastforward to this modern age. Many of our kids live in enclosed places like our HDB flats. Interaction amongst neighbors are scarce, if exists at all. Many parents are educated. Sometimes, we can't blame the parents for being over-protective towards their children. They only want what they think are the best for their kids. And they want to protect them from harm or bad influences. But in my opinion, I'm inclined to think that the mothers, more than the fathers, tend to over-protect the kids more. Trust me, take it from a Dad of two.

Take a cue from the instructions passed on to me by none other than my wife the Slim Lady on the day I brought the kids to East Coast Park:

Wife says: I'll pack a bottle of sun-block into the bag. Remember to apply the lotion on the kids while out cycling. I don't want them looking like lobsters.
Me thinks: (Aiyoh... just a bit of sun only what... u think we going for a swimming meet, is it?)

Wife says: And yes, get them to put on these jockey caps to protect their scalp against the sun, too.
Me thinks: (What, none for me? And I thought I'll need the hat more, considering my reclining hairline?)

Wife says: Pack one extra T-shirts in case they get a chill from the sweaty shirt.
Me thinks: (Woa, macam going camping hor? Wanna bring the "safari bed" or not?)

Wife says: And the raincoat, in case it rains.
Me thinks: (Then we just ditch the bicycles and head for the lagoon lor)

See? Women over-analyze, over-worry and over-protect. Men are usually cool and if anything, think that a little obstacles in life are fine to "toughen" the boys up.

My conclusion? It's very obvious that both genders are engineered differently. Men will forever be in Mars, and women in Venus. What more can I say?

Category: Musings

The calm before the storm

This is a picture I took of the East Coast Park beach today. Notice the sandy beach and the waves. I never knew our beach here in Singapore could be as pretty as this. I guess it's something that I've always taken for granted.

One more week before school term starts, I thought I'd bring the kids cycling at East Coast Park today. The morning started off bright and sunny. We were determined to cycle all the way to the "remote" end of the cycling track. Somewhere towards the end, we stopped and it was there that I took a photo of the beach. On the grass patch, just by the sandy beach, a group of kids were being supervised by their teachers, painting the breath-taking scenery before them, no doubt captivated like I was.

Then it started getting windy. Should have noticed the dark clouds... looking at the picture, the sky did look kind of threatening. Then we heard thunder. The teachers realised the weather was about to turn foul and immediately instructed the kids to start packing. The kids started moaning, even as I told my kids we'd better cycled back. As we mounted our bicycles, the rain started to pour. Junior was almost on the verge of tears, for he's never been out in the rain. The nearest shelter were some kilometers away. "It's just a little rain, boy," I tried to reassure him, hurried him along, and making sure that I was always cycling behind him. When we finally reached the shelter, we were drenched.

While waiting for the rain to subside, Senior Junior told me that before he went to bed last night, he had prayed that God would give us sunny whether. He was happy that God had answered his prayer, but then wondered why God decided to abort our fun with the rain. I told him, well, maybe this is God's way of injecting some fun for us. Both boys told me that it was kinda fun cycling in the rain. So, yeah, I'd like to think that our God is a fun-loving God too. Junior had his fun. He told me he loves cycling in the rain. Bet he can't tell the difference between his tears and the raindrops now.

Category: Family

A Gamer

The fellas at SONY PLAYSTATION are geniuses. First, they came up with Playstation 1 (PS1). They developed games for the console, made you part with your hard-earned money, and then it suddenly hits you that you're addicted to some of the games. Next you know, they came up with Part 2 of the games. But woes to you, the follow-up games can only be played on a newer console, the PS2. Cursing under your breath, both at the SONY fellas and at your addiction, you went out and got yourself PS2.

Shrewd marketing strategy I must say. And very clever too. Should have studied game design when I was in school. But when you're addicted to something, what choice do you have?

I'm no gamer, lest I gave the impression that I'm one. I purchased PS1 many many moons ago for my kids. At least the ORIGINAL idea was for the kids. Of course, nobody dictated, least of all the Slim Lady, that Daddy can't play. And kids love Daddies the most when Daddies play games with them. You know what they say about "there's a kid in everyone of us"? It's true.

So, I got hold of some games, some for the kids and others for myself, and before I knew it, I was hooked, in particular on a game called " Silent Hill 1" (soon to be a motion picture).

When I learned that "Silent Hill 2" was available, I tried getting my hand on it. Then I read that it can only by played on PS2. I shall spare you the agony of having to read my account of the length I took to get my new console. But guess what? Having finally got the PS2 and part 2 of Silent Hill (I even have part 3 and part 4), I realise that I've yet to complete the game. Time is always a factor, and the fact that I can be very impatient when it comes to killing the monsters and beasts in the game, despite the many cheat codes available in the Internet. The game discs have been lying on the shelves gathering dust for the past 2 years. During this time, SONY has been developing PS3 which would be out in the market by year-end, so I read.

This post is not about gaming. It's really about how sometimes we human are capable of going all out of our way to get things our hearts desire (and I don't mean just tangible things), but only to realise that such things are sometimes a total waste of our time, energy and money. Having said that, the new PS3 console, using Blu-Ray technology (darn! must upgrade again to play Silent Hill 6)seems kinda cool. Hmmmm....

Category: Musings

The Thinker and the Motivator

One is a great motivator; and the other, a great thinker. This is how I like to describe the two fellas I'm currently working under with.

Yes, for the past three years or so, I've had the honour to work with two fantastic leaders - MDC and VT. The former is a great thinker whose leadership has led our team to great height. Cool, collected and extremely down-to-earth, he's a born leader who subscribes to the notion that diplomacy is the key to get things done in the office. I've never seen him crossed (and I hope I never will). I asked him once how he managed to always keep his cool. He told me that if he could get things done by being diplomatic and with a smile, why take the hard approach and make life miserable for everyone? I have high regards for him and am not ashamed to say that he's my role model.

VT, the latter, is a great motivator. Hardly seen without a smile, he's the one who gets things going in our team with his wits and excellent PR skill. Some of my colleagues say that VT is such a nice guy, so nice, in fact, that some people actually doubt his sincerity. You can say he's diplomatic to a fault. But I suppose that's they way VT is. And that's the reason why people find VT ever so endearing.

As leaders, MDC and VT make a dynamic duo. And what a pleasure it is to be working under these two great leaders!

But alas, as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. VT will be deployed to another department comes this Monday where his PR skill and efficiency at work is much needed. Such is the unpredictability in life, especially in my office, where staff movement is extremely volatile. Incidentally, he'll be working in the same department as Victor. Other than this, nothing much has changed. We'll still see VT at work almost everyday. And he would still be a big part of BAGUS during lunchtime. But I, as most of my colleagues, do feel a little blue having lost a good leader to the other department.

How could we let VT go without a good send off? We, almost 31 of us colleagues bought him dinner at Capers at Regent Singapore today. It's our way of saying thanks to him for his years of guidance and stewardship in the team. VT gave a farewell speech, but I wasn't listening, feeling a tinge of sadness in my heart.

VT said he'd be seconded for at least two years. Or did he? Be back two years time, you hear VT??!! Our door is always open to welcome you back.

Category: Office

Waxed, polised and shined. And being ripped off.

The length some low-life would go to, just to con us of our money. It's infuriating and it made me really mad. Mad at the con man. And especially at myself for my naivety and for not reading the fine print. As Victor has aptly said, I'm partly to blame. Victor, you sure know how to rub it in. Aarggh!

Last week, I shelled out $388 for a 1-year "wax-n-polish" package for my car at a car polishing shop located at the Tampinese Mall basement carpark. Throughout the transaction, the salesman kept touting the fact that once I signed up, I could have unlimited, repeat UNLIMITED, wax and polish service for me car. Unbelievable, right? I thought so too, and told myself I would never forgive myself if I let a deal like this slipped through my fingers.

So, without bothering to read the fine prints, I hastily signed up and have my car waxed and polished for the very first time on that very same day.

The next day in the office, I told Victor about it, and urged him to sign up too. See, I'm the sort of guy who likes to share a "good bargain" when I see one, especially to a good pal like Victor. Besides, Victor has told me that he's only had his car polished once since he took possession of his car more than half year ago.

Over the weekend, Victor went down to Century Square (another branch) with the intention to sign up. As he spoke to the salesman, it became apparent to Victor that I might have been conned into signing the package. See, he was told that the $388 price was only the price for the membership, and that member would still need to fork out $48 each time he wants his car polished and waxed. Luckily for him, the salesman who attended to him was upfront about it. But not the one who attended to me.

When Victor told me about it, I almost flipped. I called the Tampinese Branch immediately and spoke to the salesman who served me. True to my expectation, he changed his surname to 赖, claiming that he's told me about the $48 per wax and polish. I refuted him and accused him of using tactics that was 不折手断(unscrupulous) to trick me into signing the contract. He continued to insist that he had told me about the repeat payment, and has the audacity to suggest that perhaps there was a breakdown in communications. I then asked him what that $388 was for. He said it's for the very first polish and wax service. Exasperated, I threatened to call the bank to cancel the payment I've made via credit card. He asked me not and, his voice softening, offered to compensate me by giving my car a thorough leather-care service which he claimed was worth about $100.

It's unbelievable the length some unscrupulous and unethical vendors and sales staff would go to just squeeze money out of you. Yes, it's true I didn't read the fine print. On close inspection of the receipt, there was this $48 clearly written on it (see pic), though it was not adequately explained what this amount was for on the receipt. But I reckon if only I've bothered to really scrutinize that receipt, I would have asked that man what this $48 was for, and perhaps I wouldn't have been tearing my hair out, blogging about this now!



Victors always says, Caveat Emptor (buyers beware). This phrase still rings as true as ever.

Darn! Did I scan the company's name into that pic as well? What a heck. Dear car-owners, avoid it by ALL means. Like the plague.

Category: Personal

And baby makes 4 ...

The fourth grandchild for my parents, that is. And the first child for my kid brother. Baby Ethan was born today at exactly 0822hrs. Everyone is so happy and excited. When we visited him at the hospital nursery today, he was sleeping like a baby (well, he IS a baby). He woke up subsequently, and began to wail. Little baby has a great pair of lungs! (think he'd be a great singer when he grows up.... hehe).

Ethan has a full set of hair. At just 6.6 pounds, he's quite tiny, but he's really cute. I suppose all babies are cute. Thank God for babies. They are His greatest gifts.

Have you cradled a baby and smelled him? That baby smell.... I can't quite describe it, but it makes you just want to cuddle and hug him. Man, I've long forgotten that feelings.... I well remember when my first child was born. It was at TMC. I was there when the mid-wife carried out my baby, cleaned and weighed him. She told me, "now check. A boy, ok? See?" pointing at the kuku bird. My boy was crying his lungs out, as all babies do when they come into the world. His skin was also all red and wrinkled. I just stood there, clueless and hapless and too dumbstruck for words. I remember asking myself: "Is this baby really mine? Am I really a father now?" At that instant, I suddenly felt the weight of responsibility coming down on my shoulder. Would I be able to care for him? Would I be a good father? Questions like this flooded my mind at that moment. But at the same time, I was also amazed at the miracle that was in front of me. This is LIFE staring at me. And the Slim Lady and I are responsible for it.

"Ok check the fingers... and the toes," the mid-wife continued. "Ten each, ok?" "And here," she pointed to the birthmark on my son's knee, "here's a mole. Cannot run away one," she said, clearly meaning that even if there was a mixed-up at that hospital, I could always trace my son with his mole on his knee.

Junior's adventure at the KK hospital six years later was less of a drama. For one thing, I didn't even know when junior was wheeled out. It was not because I wasn't being attentive. For some reasons, the nurse DID NOT call for the father. I caught sight of a nurse wheeling a baby trolley and waiting by the lift, all ready to push him into the mummy's ward. I ran towards her and asked: "Is this MY baby?" After asking for my wife's name, she confirmed the baby was mine. Don't ask me how I know that baby was mine... it must be the father's instinct, I guess. Hmmm... wonder if there's a mixed up? But I guess not, for Junior is handsome, just like his Dad. Must be from the some mould lah. LOL. But you could just see the difference in service between the private and the public hospital.

Baby Ethan will be home this Monday. My brother and his wife are sure to have a rocking good time. Rocking baby Ethan to sleep, that is. Hee.

Category: Family

That "top-of-the-world" feeling

This time last year, I wrote about promotion in my office and how happy we were when VT got his promotion.

It's frightening how time flies. Well, it's that time of the year again.

Happiness. Resentment. Jealousy. Smugness. Anger. These are emotions that we mere mortals are capable of at one time or another. And these are the emotions that will be played out in full force in the days ahead, when the HR dept circulates the promotion list in our email.

We'll see lots of happy and smiling faces, looking as pleased as punch. And some with a certain degree of smugness, as if to say, "see? I told you I'm good."

There will be tears of joy, and of frustration. A few others will "march" into the bosses' office and demand for an "explanation". And yet others will lie low, resigned and hurt. Lots of questions will be asked; and gossips will fly across the office premises. There would be some awkward moments among colleagues, especially to those who are more senior and was passed over for a promotion.

The competition has been intense and stiff, especially with a structure like me company's. Life is never fair. And like it or not, when it comes to promotion, luck plays an integral role.

Well, happily for me, my boss has just informed me that I've been promoted (those promoted always get first-hand knowledge before the official email is sent out). I'm lucky, I guess, for I work for a boss who is impartial and kind, and who believes in "developing his men". I've always felt that the ability to do so is the mark of a true leader.

I'm elated, of course, about my promotion. For getting a promotion means getting a pay increment. That means more money "to make ends meet" in a society that's getting more and more expensive by the day. A little more money sure goes a long way.

Of course, money is not the "for-all-end-all". A promotion means more than just that. More importantly, a promotion is a recognition from our boss for our work performance. It's an acknowledgment, an appreciation for our commitment and for a job well done. It is also about self-esteem.

Of course, the flip side of getting a promotion is more responsibilities, more work, more stress, and perhaps less time for the family.

I'm feeling "top-of-the-world" now. The euphoria will last. There'll be promotion treats galore in the office when the official namelist is finally announced. It's a culture that has been ingrained into us in my office. But all's fair, I suppose. My treat this year, and next year, it's yours.

Category: Office

Woa, "pau chia" one ah? (sure to win?)

You can say that I'm shocked.

On my weekly trip to the 4-D outlet this week, I picked up this little flyer by the counter.



Entitled "Winning Times", the brochure is an advertisement by the Singapore Pools (SP) to either get more Singaporeans and foreigners alike to gamble, or to get Singaporeans and foreigners alike to gamble more. Either way, it just doesn't sound very right to me.

Inside the flyer are stories of luck and success concerning four individuals. It's the kind of stuff that only dreams are made of. These characters have one thing in common - all of them have won money in 4-D, Toto or the Singapore Sweep. And all of them, like most fairy tales, lived happily ever after. My friends, please meet:

1. The Incurable Romantic. A man in his forties who looks forward to nothing more than a quiet dinner with his wife. Though he hardly placed any bet on Toto, he decided to do so on the spur of the moment once while having a meal with his wife at Bishan. He won the Toto Hongbao Draw and surprised his wife with a house.

2. The Blue-collared Worker. Having toiled most of his life, a man in his late 50s has been thinking of retirement. But he had little savings and had a wife to support. To add to his woes, his only means of transport, a bicycle, broke down. While wheeling his bicycle to a shop for repair, he chanced upon an SP outlet and decided to try his luck with the Toto Hongbao Draw. Needless to say, he won, bought a roof over his head with the money with spare money left for his retirement.

3. The Loving Father. A man in his early fifties has a medical condition that needs attention. But he decided to use his money for his son's tertiary education, knowing full well the importance of education, of which he had very little. While walking pass a SP outlet one festive season, he decided to try his luck on a $28 Prosperity Pack. And as luck would have it, the man won and was able to send his son for overseas education, with money enough for him to go for his medical procedure.

4. The Mother who knows best. A lady in her late 60s thought that she might have won the 2N2 (??) Special Prize when she checked the teletext. She did a double take and when she was very sure about her winning, she immediately called her daughter who was working overseas. Knowing that their mum's eyesight was failing, the daughter called her brother to help to confirm if the woman has really won. It turned out that she really did win. And when the cheque was finally presented to her, she proclaimed to her children, "Mother knows best!"

Well, don't you just wish that you're in THEIR shoe? I don't know about you, but I do find the advertisement by SP a tad irresponsible and of bad taste. Ok, I suppose SP, being a profit-making organisation, has a duty to watch its bottom line. But the rosy and happy picture painted by SP in the flyer is extremely loop-sided. If we were to believe the stories portrayed in the flyer, most Singaporeans who bought 4-D would have become millionaires. Of course, we know nothing is further from the truth. What about those who are so mired in debt because of 4-D and Toto that they break up their families and their homes? What about those who are driven to suicide?

I also wonder about the need for the advertisement, considering that we Singaporeans are already quite well-known for having made buying 4-D one of our national hobbies. Is it a case of "money no enough" for the SP? Or a case of "the more the merrier"?

If SP is allowed by the authorities to promote gambling so brazenly, I shudder to think what will happen when the casino (I refuse to call it Integration Resort or IR... let's call a spade a spade) is ready for operations a few years down the road.

Ok, to be sure, the brochure did advise one to "Play Responsibly" and "Always Play with Care". But what exactly are the measures in place to encourage one to "play responsibly"? The flyer offers no clue.

Category: Musings

I not stupid, too

"没有教不会的孩子，只有不会教的父母。"

I caught Jack Neo's "I Not Stupid, Too" on VCD today and I'm not ashamed to admit that I actually cried "bucket". My colleague has warned me that the movie is quite a tear-jerker. But I never expected a grown man like me to shed a tear so easily. Sniff.

I think Jack Neo makes a great satirist; at least in our local context. Like his previous movies, there are many subtle messages about government policies and socio-political issues in this movie. In his movie "Home Run", there's a scene in which two camps of boys were seen tussling over the use of a water well. To the uninitiated, this scene is really a portrayal of the never-ending dispute between Singapore and Malaysia over the water agreement. Any wonder that the movie has been banned in Malaysia? And surpise surprise, Jack seems to have gotten away with "murder" back home. He didn't come under fire despite his many jabs at our government policies, nor his prevalent use of the dialects in his movies. In fact, he was worthy of a mention by our then PM Goh in one of his speeches.

Jack Neo's latest offering is a poignant story on the social problems brought about by the generation gap between parents and their kids; their lack of communications; the demands on the kids by the parents who are in turn pressured by the social norm of our society. Indeed, we can identify and see in us the many Singaporeans depicted in the movies:

1. The professional parents who have no time for their kids and try to compensate them with money and material wants;
2. The uneducated and handicapped father who has problem expressing his love to his 15-year-old son and has never offered him a word of praise since the child turned 3;
3. The teenagers troubled by their teenage angst and lack of understanding from their parents;
4. The mother-tongue teacher from the "old school of thought" whose method to make the kids learn the Chinese language is to humiliate the kids in front of the class when they failed their tests;
5. The protective grandma who comes to the rescue of the grandson each time the kid takes a beating from the parents.

Of course, Jack Neo will not be Jack Neo if he does not take swipes at some of our government polices, however subtle the messages are:

1. The old Mother-tongue policy, which, for the longest time, had been a bane to many otherwise brilliant students trying to gain a place in our universities. This policy has been relaxed and teachers are now told to "Teach Less" and help the kids to "Learn More";
2. The way some school principals expel students whom they think are "beyond hope". The boy in the movie joined the street gang when he was expelled, having nothing to do to while away his time. Indeed, some schools expel students for the sake of the school reputation. But teachers, and not just parents, have a social responsibility to guide and correct the youngsters from their wayward ways, and not turn them away. As one father puts it in the movie, "没有教不会的孩子，只有不会教的父母."

The parents portrayed in the movies are quick to find fault with their kids but slow to praise them when the occasions arise. The underlying message in the movie is that we parents must take time to understand our children and don't just concentrate on their shortcomings and negative traits. Just like a piece of paper with a blemished black dot in the centre. Why focus on the black dot and isolate the rest of the white? Why, indeed. And much as I hate to admit, I can't help but draw some parallels in the way I treat my sons after watching the movie.

Category: Movies

Know thy neighbours

"Neigbhours are friends nearby".

Do you greet and smile at your neighbors when you run into them at your doorsteps, along the corridor, in the lift or in the neighborhood? Honestly, how many of us really know our neighbors?

I've always thought we Singaporeans are a suspicious lot. We keep our distance when approached by strangers in the street. We peek when we hear the doorbell, scrutinizing the person behind the door and trying to determine if that person is a salesman attempting to sell us the vacumm cleaner we never need. If he's not a salesman, we wonder if it's someone asking for a donation, or perhaps a civil servant, a HDB officer acting on a neighbor's complaint about a leaking toilet or dripping laundry.

That's why I was surprised when my sister-in-law told me that she usually gives her house-keys to her neighbors for safe-keeping whenever her family is away on holiday on stretch for a couple of days. She assured me that her neighbors, a couple looks to be in their mid-50s with three grown-up children are friendly and extremely nice.

I'm sure they are. But I wonder if what my sister-in-law does is the norm. My personal experiences with my neighbors, current and old, tell me that most Singaporeans make good and friendly neighbors. I, too, had the pleasure to stay next to a nice couple when I first shifted to Simei. They have two teenage sons who inherited their parents' friendly genes. The only unfriendly member in their family is their dog (a toy dog of which the breed I'm not too sure). The dog never failed to bark at my family and me whenever we got past their corridor unit to reach our corner one.

The man of the house assured us that his dog's bark was louder than its bite, and invited us into his house one day. Indeed, the dog stopped barking as soon as we were in the house, and started going around us, sniffing and licking our toes. "Ah, that’s my dog’s way of trying to get to know you guys better," the man had joked. Yes, what a nice family, but I've never entrusted my house keys to them. There was no chance anyway, for not long after we moved in, my neighbors shifted out. Despite barely knowing them, they gave us their new address and contact number and told us to visit them when we are free. Didn't I tell you most Singaporean make good neighbors?

Noted I said MOST Singaporeans. Of course, unfortunately there are some neighbors who would rather keep to themselves than to engage in mindless banters with you. My former neighbors unit was bought by a young couple with three very young kids. We nod and smile whenever we run into each other in the neighborhood; but conversation was scarce. The first time the man talked to me was when he asked how much I paid for my car. Then his wife gave birth to a boy. We were in a lift, and it didn’t occur to me to offer him my congratulations. On hindsight, I think that would have been a good icebreaker. But I didn't. Don't ask me why.

Even today, sometimes when I ran into my neighbors, they would pretend they didn't see me and look elsewhere. Other times, they would smile and acknowledge me, and then look away to avoid further eye contact. Perhaps some people simply have no time for superficial and mindless pleasantries. I can't blame them, really. I think it's not so much they are unfriendly, as they are perhaps "shy". Or sometimes, after a hard day's work, people just don't have the mood for mindless conversation. I'd admit I'm guilty of this sometimes, and perhaps I'm also perceived as being unfriendly by my neighbors.

But truly, there are some neighbors who are downright "stuck-up" and aloof. Most people, and not just neighbors, would return your smile if you volunteer one. But there are people in my block who give me a look as if to say, "What you smiling at? Do I know you?", or one that looks as if you "owe them 5 cents". There's a man in my block who looks at me as if spoiling for a fight. Well, I guess it takes all kinds. Indeed, neighbors are friends nearby. But it takes two hands to clap, I'm afraid.

Category: Musings

Paradox of Life

Years ago, a friend emailed this passage. I remember thinking how profound yet true the message was...

The paradox of our time ....
We have taller buildings but shorter tempers
Wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints
We spend more, but have less
We buy more, but enjoy less
We have bigger houses but more broken homes
We have more degrees but less sense
More knowledge, but less judgment
More experts, yet more problems
More medicine, but less wellness

We drink too much, smoke too much
Spend too recklessly, laugh too little
Drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired
Read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life
We've added years to life not life to years
We've been all the way to the moon and back
But have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour.
We conquered outer space but not inner space
We've done larger things, but not better things
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul
We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice
We write more, but learn less
We plan more, but accomplish less
We've learned to rush, but not to wait
We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less

These are the times of fast foods, and slow digestion
Big men and small character
Steep profits and shallow relationships
These are the days of two incomes but more divorce
Fancier houses, but broken homes
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers
Throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill
It is a time when there is much in the showroom window
And nothing in the stockroom.
A time when technology can bring this letter to you
And a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

I thought that part about "We have bigger houses but more broken homes" is especially true. Divorce rate is up. And many of our kids are so caught up in their own world that they hardly spare a thought for the people around them. Indeed, there seems to be an erosion of social values. This is borne out by letters to the ST forum of youngsters refusing to give up seats to the elders in public transport.

"We've been all the way to the moon and back but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour". Does that sound familiar to you? Do you say "hi" or greet your neigbhours? The one who stays just next to your unit in your HDB flat? Do you know their name? I do, but it never goes further than that. And I suspect it's not just me. My neigbhours reciprocate when I say "hi". And then she stops making eye-contact. I'm sure you know how difficult to hold a conversation without eye contact. So you see, it's not just me.

What's for dinner, Papa?

I don't know how it happened. Ever since my mum announced that she was getting old and too tired to cook us dinner (that was way before she had her by-pass), I've been given the uncoveted task of buying dinner for my wife and kids. This duty was not assigned to me by the Slim Lady. It just happened.

My mum used to complain that cooking dinner always gave her headache. Sometimes she simply didn't know what to prepare for so many people, each with taste buds of their own. My sister doesn't take pork, unless it's bak kwa (isn't that a joke?) My kids hardly eat any greens. That Slim Lady of mine survives only on Hor Fan, Kway Teow dry, and avoids anything that's yellow in colour like noodle or mee pok.

Home-cooked meal is always the best and most healthy. Unfortunately, how many of us have that luxury of eating home-cooked meals everyday? My wife and I hardly cook, for we're both usually spent after a day in the office. On the rare occasions that we do, it's usually on weekend. Most days, we tah pau dinner home.

Since I started buying dinner for my family, I've realised, to my chagrin, that buying dinner, not just cooking, can also be a cause of headache. When I ask my family what they would like for dinner, I get response like "anything". And they complain when I buy food they that don't like. The safe bet for the kids are chicken rice, western food and fast-food, especially KFC. For the Slim Lady, it's dry kway teow or hor fan. Like it or not, these oily and unhealthy food has become the staple for my family, and I've decided that it's time for some drastic actions to make them eat healthy.

So sometimes, I'll just buy what I feel is best for them, WITHOUT asking them. Usually, it's rice with mixed veggies and some meat. They continue to complain, including the Slim Lady, and pass comments like "next time don't buy me rice. I've eaten rice for lunch!" I used to retort, "you know how difficult it is to buy dinner for you guys? Next time, YOU buy!". Now, my usual response is, "You have two choices for dinner - Take it or Leave it."

What else could they do? They will eat when they get hungry. Hehehehe (evil laugh).

Maybe I'll have that pic above enlarged and hung it in my dinning room. LOL.

Category: Musings

It takes two to communicate.... Hello?

I received a handout from my son's school, telling me to access the school's revamped website. The school says it is trying to promote 2-way communication between parents and the teaching staff as a way to foster greater rapport with parents.

All very noble, I'd thought, and promptly clicked on the email address of my son's form teacher and started writing.

I wrote:

Dear Mrs Vasu,

First, congrats on the school's revamped website. It's a perfect tool for communication between parents and teachers.

I understand how busy school teachers are, but please feel free to reach me at foollie@yahoo.com.sg if you wish to share with me anything about Darren, his school work, etc, and especially his behaviour in school.

Thanks & best regards

That was four months ago. And I didn't hear a word from the teacher.

Today, I finally hear from her. You see, while our nation is having an Election Fever, many schools in Singapore are having another kind of fever - Exam Fever. And my son, not to be outdone, decided to have a fever of his own too, with a sore throat to boot. Happily for him, he was given two days MC and excused from having to go to school (and to take his exam).

The teacher, Mrs Vasu called me at my office and asked me the whereabout of my son. When told that he was down with fever, the teacher said she was "worried" about his absence since it was the exam period, hinting subtly that I, the father, should have called the school about it. I asked her, politely, that was it not the norm for the kids to submit their MC on their return? And that surely, the phone call to the school was not necessary? She replied yes, but because of the exam, she was just worried.

I know many of us are finding the many political hustings a tad tiresome. But teachers are very much like our politicians. We hear from them when we don't want to, and when we least expect to; and we DON'T hear from them when we want to. LOL.

She's yet to reply my email. What exactly 2-way communications is the school talking about?

Fortunately, not all teachers are like that. Victor is one lucky Dad. He constantly gets emails from his son's teacher about how his son was doing in school. Well, I guess my boy is just "lucky", in the sense that his teacher never bothers complain about him, not because he's good, but because his teacher is the sort who is BBC (Basically Bo Chap). LOL.

Category: Personal

我们这里是新加坡 (This is Singapore)

This is a song by local singer/composer 梁文福. The song waxes lyrical on Singapore, on how she's gone through World War II in 1941, on the migrants uprooting from around the globe to arrive at Singapore and on their decision to make Singapore their home. The song is about being born in "Tekka", about living in 1-room-1-hall HDB flats. It's about the kids of yesteryears, their childhood and growing up years, and their school days in old Singapore. Each time I listen to this song, it never fails to evoke nostalgia and memories of yesteryears. And what better time to give this song a spin than during this election time, when emotions run high as manifested in the general public (not to mentioned the blogosphere)?

There's a verse that says, "This is Singapore. We used to have nothing, but now at last, we have achieved some accomplishments; not much but we do treasure them". Indeed, there's much to thank and be grateful for. And if that came across as sounding rather contrived, I make no apologies for it. How often do you hear friends who have been overseas and upon their return, proclaimed, "Singapore is still the best"?

Go on, turn on the speakers and listen to the lyrics of the songs. Part of the song is in dialects and I do apologise if the translation is not as accurate as it should be.

我们这里是新加坡
我阿嗲在海山街住过
1941 年轰炸机近过
一枚炸弹在街头降落

我们这里是新加坡
我阿妈在Tekka 生我
虽然那时后霸王车很多
她却依然骑单车去工作

我们这里是新加坡
我的童年在女皇镇过
一房半厅的组屋背后小小的林子里，曾经是孩子们的窝

我们这里是新加坡
我的小学从前在小坡
平时不读书考试之前跑到四马路的庙前说声啊弭陀佛

我们这里是新加坡
我们都曾一无所有过
现在拥有的不算什么
但是比别人珍惜的多

我们这里是新加坡
我表兄金山会来啰
小小麻雀街竹枝
还是街回屋子好得多

Category: Gahman

Play time for our politicians

There's simply no running away from news on GE 2006. It's in the paper, on the TV and in the internet. Political flyers have been left at my doorsteps. Everywhere I turn, I see photographs of candidates, both the PAP and the oppositions, their smiles beaming on the posters hanging on almost every lamp post by the side of the road from where I live.

And then there is that little lorry with loud speakers on its back, blasting away PAP propaganda in our four official languages. I had almost forgotten about its existence, having voted only twice (or was it once?) in all of my 40 odd years. But I saw it again yesterday and today in Simei where I live. It just went back and forth, back and forth like a broken toy on the road in front of my block. There was no waving politician on board. In fact, there was no soul on board, other than the driver, the loud speakers and two flapping PAP flags. How impersonal, I'd thought. What was worse was that I couldn't even make out the message that was being blasted. It was so loud it sounded rather muffled.

Like Chun See, I'm not much into politics. GE time is just full of wayang and rhetoric. I told my wife to avoid eating out at the hawker centres and the coffee shops this week. Why? To avoid running into politicians and their entourage making their rounds, shaking hands and making small talk. I want no part of it. Come on, why do these politicians suddenly appear only when GE is near? Where were they when you need to talk to them? Granted, not every MP is like that. The then MP for Simei, Mr David Lim, used to show up at the estate coffee shops, talking and mixing with residents, young and old. I remember I had just shifted to Simei, and it was not even election time. He came across as affable and sincere. Then he resigned and Mr Lee Yock Suan took over. The latter was inactive. The difference between the two men was stark.

No government in the world is perfect, lest of all Singapore. Everyone of us has our beef with the gahmen, including me. But this notwithstanding, I feel that Singapore would not be where she is today, without the PAP, and credit must be accorded to our fore father MM Lee and the other leaders around his time for their foresight and courage in steering Singapore from a 3rd world country to a 1st worth country within a span of 3 decades. I'm happy to say that the PAP has at least put a "human face" in the PAP. This came about when SM Goh adopted a "consultative style" of governance when he was the Prime Minister. Happyily, PM Lee has also appeared to be rather warm and approachable, if the dialogue he has with fellow Singaporeans on national TV is any indication.

Looking at the reports on the various rallies, it seems that the LUP (Lift Upgrading Programmes) is fore most in the mind of many heatlanders living in older and mature HDB estates. The PAP candidates have promised them lifts to stop at every floor if the residents vote for them. I'm not exactly comfortable with this dangling of carrots by the ruling party to gain votes. After all, opposition and the ruling party, are we not ALL Singaporeans? Why should the opposition constituencies be made to suffer? And what about that group of people in these constituencies that support the PAP?

Having said that, I think it's necessary to have an opposition to keep the PAP in check. Unfortunately, the opposition parties in Singapore are in such a sad state of affair. With the exception of Chiam See Tong, the characters of most other opposition figures leave much to be desired. Of course, the man of the moment must surely goes to the Workers' Party's Mr James Gomez who allegedly tried to caste doubt on the integrity of the Election Department. He's issued an apology which the PAP has said lacks sincerity. Well, politic, as they say, is a dirty game. We're mere audience in this game played out by the big boys. Let the wayang begin ...

Category: Gahman

Solicitation? Or just teenage angst?

I may be over-reacting, but I worry for our kids.

Yesterday, I received an anonymous sms from a stranger. Now, mother (and fathers, too) always tell the kids never ever talk to strangers, be it SMS or the MSN via the Internet. Well, the only difference here in my encounter is that the kid was not me. The other party was, or claimed to be. I can't be sure. Anyway, our exchange in the SMS goes something like this:

Kid: hey. i changed my number to 90xxxxx. take note & thanks (:
Me: Aduh. Who is this?
kid: Justina. lol
Me: Oh dear. I have a friend called Justin. But not Justina. Did you just change sex? Sorry but I have no recollection.
kid: aha. no. 'm pure female. then you're probably not who i think you are. nevermind then. sorry for disturbing you x=
Me: It's ok. Misdirect SMS happens all the time. Hope you're not offended by my joke. Cheers
kid: aha. only if you're not disturbed by my smses. take care then (:
Me: Not at all. Still trying to figure out who, though. Hee.
kid: I think we don't know each other. unless you're 15 x=
Me: Haha. Then definitely wrong number. My friends are all much older. Ok nice knowing you. Take care.
kid: somewhat flattering I guess. aha. thanks. I'm so sorry I'm 15 then. I don't like it either. lol
Me: The young can't wait to grow up, and the old will give anything to get back their youth. The irony of life. What's wrong with being 15?
kid: it's tradition of d young I guess. to complain about everything (: but d thing that sucks most about being 15, one more year before i can watch NC 16 movies (x
Me: NC 16 movies? Is that very important?
kid: nope. tsk. darn my shallow-minded, materialistic & superficial teenage brain -.-

I decided not to respond after that. When I related this to BAGUS, all of them have their interpretations of my encounter:
a. The only rose among the thorns commented that I was "leading her" on which is nonsense of course!
b. Victor said it was obviously a solicitation.
c. VT added that they way the "kid" changed the topic from her being 15 years old to her unhappiness at not being able to watch NC16 until she's 16 sounded rather fishy.
d. MJM said blatantly that I should have called the number immediate and asked "how much?" He then quipped that maybe it was a guy pretending to be a girl.

What do you think? Did I read too much into the SMS exchange? I hate to think this is a solicitation as suggested by Victor. But you could see how the conversation could have led to something unthinkable and unlawful (think statutory rape). Being a father of two, I fear for our kids if this is truly the work of a kid with some hidden agenda, more so when she mentioned she's "materialistic". Sex sells, and the sale of sex provides materialism.

Is this what the kids are up to behind the parents back, despite what we parents warned them about the dangers of talking to strangers? Technologies have advanced our lives to a level that was unimaginable years ago. The Internet and mobile phone technology connect people in a flash. But therein lies the danger, too. Especially if it involves our kids. We parents really can't afford to be too lax.

What's wrong with being a Civil Serpent Servant?

Ok, so my cover has been blown, all thanks to Victor. I'm not an advertising guy I claimed to be. I'm really just a humble servant - a civil servant, that is, in the public sector.

I didn't set out to deceive all, and if I did, there was no ill-intent. There's a reason why I withheld that information, and it's all because of stereotyping.

I heard a certain DJ making a swipe at civil servants once on the radio. He said something to the effect that he once applied for a job in the public sector (if my memories serve me right, it's the teaching profession) but was glad that he was not shortlisted, thus saving him from a fate worse than "death". It was very insensitive of the DJ for making that statement which I found rather hurtful. Sometimes, the DJs forget that they have a social responsibility to the public and they should stop perpetuating falsehoods and half-truths when they make comments in their radio show. Needless to say, I stopped listening to his programme altogether.

So, what does it call to mind when you think of a civil servant? Honestly?

An image of a man, rigid and inefficient, and not being able to think out of the box? Sometimes, he's painted as a "skiver", hence the term "civil serpents". Other times, he's often seen as a nerd and a square.

Nothing is further from the truth. These days, a civil servant can be hip, cool and what one would term a "metrosexual" in today's context of a modern (and vain) man. Just look at Victor, who exudes charm and intelligence wherever he goes. And you can rest assured that Victor is one of the most productive workers we have in our office. That DJ in question should do a reality check around him instead of perpetuating an out-dated image of a civil servant in the comfort of his studio.

I've always wondered about the origin of the term "civil servant" though, a term I personally find rather unflattering and condescending. Did it originate from the colonial days? When the whites ruled? Or did it come about because when you serve the public (we're taking about the public service after all); you're really serving the country?

People used to say that the public sector is an "iron rice" bowl. This statement no longer holds true. Jus look at PSA, the HDB and SIA (ok, so they're are semi-government, but you get my drift).

Nonetheless, I like the stability that the public sector brings. You can say this is one of the fast dwindling perks of working in the public sector. I was working in a publishing firms for 4 years prior to joining the public sector. And I witnessed the harsh reality in the private sector when my manager was sacked at exactly 5pm on the day he returned from his holidays in Penang. Then it happened again to one of the junior staff. It was unnerving for you were never sure if you were next in line. Better to call it quits; and I did.

Still, this is not to say that the pasture at the public sector is always green. Under-performers have been asked to leave, and we are subject to the same kind of office politics one sees in the private sector. It's a dog eats dog world, public or private sector. But having worked in the private sector before, I think I'm able to appreciate my employer more than those of my colleagues who joined the public sector immediately upon graduation from schools. Some of them whine a lot about the office policies and regulations. Sometimes, I think a stint at the private world would do them good.

Another downside is the civil servants' bonus. The whole world will know how much you're getting. Each year comes June, that amount will be splashed on the ST. Not that I'm complaining, but that makes great conversational piece at social gatherings. My aunts would ask, "Woa, the gahmen giving you all 3.5 months bonus hor? Should buy me dinner ahh". Or my mum will "grumble" about how "little" bonus I give her and remarks, "Got 3.5 months bonus, how come never increase MY bonus this year?"

It's been said that the public sector won't make millionaires out of public servants. Maybe that explains the high turn-over rate in my office. But you'd be surprised at the number of them who made a U-turn and rejoined us.

Quit my job and give my best shot to get my millions "outside"? I don't think so. I don't need a million, and I'm contented with my pay package. Besides, I can always try my luck with Toto for my first million ;-))

Category: Office

The power of prayer

Thank you all for your prayers.

My mum is still in the ICU but is making good progress. The operation went smoothly. She was to be transferred to a general ward, but the Doc ordered her to stay for another day in the ICU when she started vomiting out the food she ate and complained about giddiness. We were assured, though, that is quite normal for patients who have had by-pass surgery.

My Dad, so used to having her around at home, was kinda depressed. I brought him along to visit my mum, who was conscious and spoke to us a little. That sort of cheered my Dad up.

The road to recovery is a long one. But praise the Lord, my mum is recuperating. She can look forward to holding and cuddling her fourth grandchild comes June!

The power of prayer and the words of comfort, reassurance, encouragement telling me to think positive.... All these from people whom I've never met like Evan, "It's my life story" (sorry but how do I address thee?), Chun See, and Frannxis. And yes, my good pal Victor and Alex, and BAGUS, too. Good bless all you kind souls.

James 5:13-16 ... confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and wonderful results.

Category: Personal

The fear of mortality

If, and when my turn comes, I'm not sure if I have the courage to face what my mum's going through right now. As it is, she's scheduled to undergo a by-pass surgery tomorrow morning. I brought her to the hospital today and she's made to go through an endless round of pre-admission test to make sure she's fit for the operation tomorrow.

You can say my mum is a walking time bomb. Her arteries are 95% blocked. She could suffer a heart attack any time. So the sooner she has the operation, the better in keeping the disease at bay.

We spent much time trying to reassure my mum everything's going to be ok. She's always been afraid of hospital, and blood. We know she's scared to bits, and deep down inside, so are we, me and my siblings. But this operation is something that my mum, and us, have to go through together.

The hospital is such a depressing place to be, and like it or not, that's the place we gonna be as we grow old, one time or the other. The one that she's staying, SGH is really in need of some major overhaul. The false ceilings are all dirty and worn-out and the hospital looks as if it's in need of a new coat of paint which is currently a dreary light green. Why can't they paint the room a cheery pink? Studies have shown that colours do have an effect on the mood of the patients and how speedy they recover from their illnesses.

Please do keep my mum in your prayer.

Category: Personal

A matter of face

So, there'll be no scenic bridge after all.

What was that all about?

Were our neighbours contemplating to grant us access of their airspace in the bridge negotiation? Were they seriously thinking of selling us sand? I thought they said NO and went ahead with the piling work for their side of the bridge anyway. And now we hear Pak Lah has ordered the bridge construction axed because the rakyat is against the use of Johor airspace by the SAF.

Oh well, let's give our neighbour face. The truth is always hard to swallow, is it not? News reports that Johor is a city of car-jackers drew lots of hues and cries from our neighbours who think we are trying to drive tourists away from the state (and they forget that we Singaporeans form the bulk of the tourists). Even our leader was asked to apologise for having said that car-jacking was rampant in Johor years ago. It's like saying, what is true and ugly, we don't want to hear. Hmmm... it reminds me of the Class 95 advert, in which the proud father chooses to listen to the "good comments" made by the tennis coach of his son, and shuts out the negative ones. Can't relay blame them Malaysians. Many of us are like that. We can't handle the truth. Because the truth hurts.

Truly, our neighbours have the propensity to leave our leaders looking perplexed with each of their whimsical move. This is not the first, and it won't be the last. The scenic bridge may never materialise. But perhaps our leaders and that of our neighbours' should build another bridge, a bridge to affirm our bilateral ties, and may peace pervail in this part of the earth.

Category: Musings